How People Change

If you could create and market a pill that people could swallow and then instantly have the willpower they needed to make changes in their lives – everything from dieting to being kinder to their spouse, to learning to love their not-ideal job – you would be an instant millionaire (or billionaire, more likely).

Nearly everyone has something they wish they could change about themselves (and the ones who don't probably don't know themselves very well!). But actually making the change is one of the hardest things to do in life. Just acquiring the desire and motivation to change is hard enough, let alone having the creativity to generate a plan to change and then mustering the courage and perseverance to stick with it.

The Change Process According to Rick Warren

So how does real change happen? In his book God's Answers to Life's Difficult Questions, Rick Warren says the change process involves four steps or phases: crisis, commitment, confession and cooperation. Most people need to go through a crisis – a really difficult situation – in order to realize that they need to change. Without a crisis, the vast majority of people are content to keep on doing what they've been doing. After all, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

The second phase, commitment, is about sticking with the change process. It's not enough to just have a crisis and realize you need to change. The next step is to dedicate yourself to changing and to walk into that process with a measure of dedication and enthusiasm.

The third phase, confession, involves acknowledging to God (and others, if necessary), that you've screwed up and need his forgiveness. It's about owning our sins and shortcomings and asking for grace and strength to overcome them. This is a vital part of the change process, because generally the things we need help changing have roots in wrong attitudes or beliefs or habits that we've developed, often as a result of things we've been exposed to from other people or from the media. Although we may have acquired these bad things because of other people's wrongdoing, it does not mean we are not responsible for our sins. If we were perfect and incorruptible, we wouldn't be tempted to think, say, or do wrong things, even if we saw other people doing them.

The fourth phase, cooperation, is all about cooperating with the Holy Spirit so that God can change us. We can say we want to change all we want, but if we're not cooperating with the Spirit, it's kind of like saying, “I want to lose weight,” and then going off and eating a big piece of chocolate cake.

If you're truly interested in changing some aspect of your life, let me suggest doing the following. Pick a habit or attitude or thought process that you want to change, and then spend some time answering the questions below (which I have adopted from a similar list created by a counseling professor of mine at Westminster Seminary, Dr. David Powlison). Have one or more people you trust hold you accountable and ask you each week how you're doing with regard to that issue. And pray, pray, and pray some more that God will forgive you for the times that you blow it and give you strength to overcome.

Questions:
1)Describe the habit/attitude/thought process you're trying to change. What actually are you doing or thinking? How long has it been going on? When and where does it happen? Why do you think it happens? Who are you around when it happens?

2)What are the roots of your behavior/thought process? What kinds of things have happened in the past that may have contributed to it? How did it develop? What underlying beliefs about yourself, others, or God do you have that may be causing you to think or act in these ways?

3)Describe what it would look like for you to change. What would your life look like in an ideal world with respect to this issue? For example, if you are struggling with sexual impurity, what would it look like to be pure? What would you be thinking about instead of your impure thoughts? Remember that the goal is to love God and love others more, so think about how you could focus your efforts on those things instead of the behavior or thought pattern you are struggling with.

4)Develop a plan for change. This will usually involve regular prayer, studying and/or memorizing Bible passages relevant to your struggle, reading other books that will shed light on your struggle, thinking of practical ways to curtail the harmful thought process or avoid (or replace) the problematic behavior, and finding someone (or multiple people) who can hold you accountable in this area.

5)At the end of each day, evaluate yourself. How did you do today? How did things go? Take time to repent of the times when you fell back into old patterns and habits, and to ask God for his help as you continue to seek to change.

Finally, remember that change is a lifelong process, not a one-time thing. It's like living a healthy lifestyle - it happens by adopting new ways of thinking and doing and then constantly putting them into practice. It's not like a crash-diet, where you lose a lot of weight all at once and then go back to eating potato chips and twinkies.

If you start to feel overwhelmed or discouraged, take a break. Spend some time alone, relax, and think about why you're trying to change. Ultimately, we should be motivated to change not because we want to impress others or become proud of ourselves, but because we want to become more like our friend and Savior, Jesus. Don't feel like you have to become a totally different person overnight - God only gives you what you can handle, and change is best accomplished by biting off only what you can chew and working slowly and steadily toward your goals.